My newest interview is with Rachel Lithgow of New York. She’s a mother, writer, and now an author. Her first book, My Year of Really Bad Dates, will be out in November. I definitely want to read it when it comes out. She talks about the joys and challenges of writing her book and the inspiration behind it.
Introducing Rachel…
What do you love about your life right now?
I love a lot about my life despite the horrific state of the world.
I can’t believe my age (52) but I feel terrific physically, and I’m in pretty good shape for an old broad. I love that my kids are old enough to be friends with, and I love the flexibility I have in my work schedule, which finally, after all these years, has given me a work life balance instead of a workaholic lifestyle that I always lived.
Was there an author or writer who inspired you to become one?
There are so many. I always loved the great lines:
“My wound is geography”- Pat Conroy
“Nobody’s Perfect”- Billy Wilder from the film Some Like it Hot.
“You know how to whistle, don’t you? You just put your lips together and blow.” Ernest Hemingway.
I just love the idea of a memorable line like that and always wanted to write like the greats.
Your book, My Year of Really Bad Dates, is coming out in November, and I’m so excited for you. I want an autographed copy of it. Could you tell me about the inspiration for your book?
I’m not sure there was a real inspiration other than my life at the time, which was a train wreck. I was really struggling, and I kept a journal the whole time while I was in emotional ruin. Dating on top of that was a horrific choice, but one I made. I thought a funny essay would be therapeutic, but when I looked back I saw that there was so much more there, and the book flew out of my head and onto the keys. The first draft was done in less than 3 months.
What were the joys and challenges of writing My Year of Really Bad Dates?
It was a really fun book to write, and it came easily since it was chronological and based on my own life. There were no characters to develop, no story arcs to conjure. Each episode is true, and it happened to me personally. The hardest part was choosing which dates to include!
I must ask, did you have any good dates during that year?
I sure did, and I included them in the book too. Let’s call it the 80/20 principle of dating: 80% terrible, 20% great.
How’s your dating life now after the year of bad ones?
I’m seeing someone now, but taking it very slow. There is no talk of lifelong commitments or living together but rather, taking it day by day. I am glad since I definitely needed a break from the “scene. “
Brene Brown says, “Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce.” Do you agree with that? Do you think that’s what’s lacking in romantic relationships?
A big facet of the book is about vulnerability and my inability to be vulnerable. It’s a process, something I’ve been working on for a while since it just never really was my “thing”. You can read the book to see why, but it’s always been a struggle for me. I think it is important to trust your partner enough to be vulnerable, but I think I’d put the trust as the main ingredient of the magic sauce, though vulnerability is certainly a key ingredient.
I agree; trust is essential. The next question is about failure, which we all can relate to. We have all experienced failure, and sometimes success follows it. Do you have a favorite?
I’ve had a lot of failures, so I’m happy to answer that question. I think my ability to learn from my failures has led to my best successes. I would have to say my favorite failure was my marriage. We were together for 27 years, and we produced two exceptional humans from two disastrous ones. We loved one another long and hard, but despite the failure, it was still worth the ride.
If you could have a gigantic billboard anywhere with any message on it, what would you want to convey to millions? What would it say and why?
YOU ARE ONLY WORTH WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE. BELIEVE.
Describe yourself in one word.
Tenacious
Rachel, this is one of my favorite parts of the interview. Tell me three fun facts about you.
1. I love to Stand up Paddle board
2. I speak 4 languages
3. Despite the fact that I didn’t particularly love high school, I have a lot of close friends from high school and childhood in general.
I love ending the chat with a quote. Do you have a favorite quote or saying that has inspired and motivated you in your life, which you’d like to share with my readers?
Der oilam ist a goilim
(The masses are asses) in Yiddish
Thank you for reading my chat with Rachel.
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